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“Vilomah" a name for parents whose child has passed away….
 
I am the mother to an angel.  At the young age of 21, my husband and I lost our stillborn daughter. Her loss took us through the darkest periods of our life yet we are here, we don’t have all the answers but we have lived through the first few years of grief and am still making it day to day. My hope is that I can provide some little piece of comfort or support to another mom, another dad, another family member who finds themselves going through a difficult situation. We want our daughter to be remembered and we wanted to honor her memory by helping other families.

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This Bittersweet Life

7/14/2016

2 Comments

 
​At the playground, you see who appear to be a “normal” family with a dad, a mom, a little boy and a baby girl. They smile and laugh enjoying the present moment. They look as though they are completely happy. Meanwhile there is brokenness in them that you cannot see. A pain that is so deep in their bones that you could never feel. Inside they are crying for a comfort that you will never hear expressed.

The father pushes his baby girl in the swing with a smile on his face as his broken heart trembles to remain strong. He keeps a brave face for his wife while inwardly he struggles with his faith. He has to hide his emotions before they crumble his entire being. He hugs his baby girl with loving fear. He is overprotective because of the years of struggle and loss it took for her to be here. She is their miracle. A miracle he almost lost when they lost her twin. You see him lovingly glance at his wife but you do not see the deep connection of anguish that lies between them with unspoken words that only they share with just that glance.
This Bittersweet Life, infant loss reflections
The mother enthusiastically plays in the dirt with her stepson. She is the vision of what a mom is supposed to be. Meanwhile she struggles to keep her tears from overflowing. Tears of misery and tears of happiness mix in the dirt. She turns in shame that she cannot control her emotions. She is thankful to finally be a mother. A long and tough road she has taken to get to this precious moment. A moment she has dreamt of since childhood. She holds a love so deep for her family that nothing can compare. Her struggles have given her a thankfulness that simply cannot be described. When one loses themselves, their dreams, and their hopes then can they really understand the simplest and greatest of blessings that most take for granted.

For you see today is the birthday of their lost baby girl, whom was born too early, a precious angel that watches over them along with her 12 other siblings with wings. They are celebrating her short existence in their life. They are celebrating the family that they are blessed with. They are living this bittersweet life that you are on the outside trying to look in on. You will not understand all this is going on right in front of you. You have not endured what they have to understand their silent conversation. You will say a pleasant comment as you walk by mentioning how fun it is to have just two kids. You will not know how painful that comment is for them. You will not see the father’s back stiffen as he holds back knocking emotions on the unsteady wall he has built. You will not hear the slight tremble in the mother’s voice as she says a pleasant reply. You will not see them fall in bed tonight completely exhausted from trying to keep it together for the sake of their young children. You also will not see them do the same thing day after day just to live this bittersweet life.

About the Author: 

This Bittersweet Life, infant loss reflections
  Debra is a first time mom to her beautiful rainbow baby Skyler, a wife, a blogger and an Ordained Minister. She enjoys crafting and creating educational fun for her step son and decorating her home. Daily she crosses exciting, frustrating, scary and new bridges in life to become a better person. All while trying to keep her sanity, wits and positivity about her. Find Debra at Crossing New Bridges on Facebook and on Twitter.

2 Comments
Tara link
7/16/2016 08:26:55 am

The loss of a tiny one is really hard. It's hard to keep it together for the kids. It is important to work through it with them and let them grieve in their own way too.

Reply
Debra link
7/17/2016 02:20:25 pm

Very True Tara

Reply



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    Just a girl, a wife, angel mother and friend... An infant loss parent, post menopausal 20 something year old and brain surgery survivor...I've been through alot and have a lot to share! 

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